Thursday, August 30, 2007

Prayers from Friends

I have been receiving e-mails of support and prayer wishes from friends, fellow bloggers and readers.

One of them is Lorena Marzan who's from San Francisco but I just came to know her for a month now after she religiously leaves comments in my entries. Then we talked over the phone on her way to the SFGH to attend to her mom who has been there for six months now.

Today she forwarded to me a letter she wrote to a healing priest.

I was reading her blogs and has been posting comments on it too. I have not seen her personally, only thru telephone conversations. Please include her in your prayers as well as she is now undergoing battery of tests for Cancer.

Thank you Lorena and those who express their faith that I can survive this crisis.

I need to have the BIG FAITH and the WILL to LIVE.


Saturday, August 25, 2007

The Girl Who Wanted to be a nun

My friend who patiently brought me to my doctor's appointments in San Francisco called from the Philippines. He has been there since last year waiting for me to implement our dream project.

We were once involved in a foundation which takes care of rehabilitated drug dependents, young mothers and their kids. The soup kitchen was for all. The school is for the children of singple mothers. The CEO who inspired me was an Asian American.

My friend and I thought that we should bring the concept in the Philippines. Start small and make it big later.

He waited for my call as to when I am coming home. I can't. I have to stay here for medical reasons. He stopped communicating thinking that I've changed my mind.

My other friend texted him. If ever he was surprised, ( he was there with me in SF in all my doctor's appointments, driving me and giving me emotional support) it was the change in my acceptance of fate. He knows that I am a fighter.

He asked me to rally my "angels".

I told him, for this kind of help, I need the help of Someone at the TOP. It's like in the corporate jungle where the signature of the Chairman of the Board is needed for an important decision.

If He wanted to move me to another department, so be it. (Huwag lang doon sa walang airconditioned at may malaking fireplace.acheche) I was waiting for him to crack the joke that my elder brother used to tease me when he discovered my " I want to be a nun" affirmation that I wrote in every page of my notebook. He would tell me that the nunnery would be in trouble if ever I would be accepted as a novice. Then he would laugh out loud.

Sa kaniya naman, yong baka hindi ka pa tanggapin doon. Magugulo si San PIDROW.

You know when you're enrolled in a Catholic school, the retreats, the First Fridays masses and communions make you wish to follow the steps of the saints and the Church martyrs. Yeah, Virginia, ganoon ako noon pag malapit na ang Holy Week. Pagkatapos niyan, regular programming na naman.Balik na naman sa Guidance counsellor pag may kasalanan.

Noong minsan sa parish priest na kami dinala. Kami ha, hindi lang ako. The other in the "kami"
were non-Catholics enrolled in that school so they were exempted from making confessions on First Thursday in preparation for First Friday. The classes were suspended for half day to give us a chance to go to confessions.

I did not join my other classmates who lined up in the confessional box assigned to our section.
I joined my non-Catholic friends. We enjoyed "making sungkit of the star apple from the tree" in my friend's yard.

We overate and we were late when the classes were resumed. The monitor assigned to check whether we really went to confession or not, ratted me. Ang TRAIDOR. Hindi ko siya binigyan ng star apple which I put in a paper bag and left to the security guard. mwehehe.

We were brought to the priest. My non-Catholic friends were excused but not me. That's the first time, I said unfair. But the priest would make me pray the Our Father a hundred times.

The last balikbayan I made, I met the nuns in the convent which was the recipient of the donations made out to my mother's memory when she died.

Aside from giving me a warm welcome and accommodation fitted for a very important guest, they also gave me a special pass for the Cathedral of the Penafrancia. That was the fiesta of the Patron Saint of Naga. I almost told them that there was a crazy moment in my life that I dreamed to be a nun.

Latest news from them was the Mother Superior also succumbed to cancer and died at the Makati Medical. Well spent life.

The MRI Experience-Well done or Medium Rare?

This is how an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) looks like.
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I have this test today. Kinodakan nila ang aking brain kung lintek ng Big C na iyan ay pinakialaman na rin. Hindi ko alam kong nakangiti.

First, I asked the tech to cover my eyes. I am claustrophobic that the thought that I would be "scanned" inside for 30 minutes bombarded with noise and warm air that would make you feel you want to go makes me nauseous. Kung naging ala Maricel Soriano lang ako di sana bago nila ako ipinasok doon, sinabi ko na naman ang dialogue ko na ayoko nang masikip at saka lumuhod na huwag akong ipapasok doon. Maawa na sila. But that was only in my mind. And it was going to be read and photographed by the MRI.

Hinubaran ako ng lahat kong suot na metal. Tinanong pa nga ako kung may metal daw ako sa ulo. Ano ko si Terminator?

When I was taken out from that tube, I asked the tech. Am I well done, rare, medium rare or ...

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Battle is On

After battery of tests, blood tests that left a cross-stitched pattern in my arm; dog errrm catscan; ultra sound and other high tech machines, big and small which left me temporarily dazed and disoriented, the doctor said that aside from D- diabetes, H- hypertension, he's adding the big C in my list.

He waited for me to react. Siguro maglambitin sa kaniya at umiyak ng NO, NO, NO.
But I remained calm. Sabi naman sainyo matagal kong maintindihan kaagad. Sabi ko sa kaniya ESPLEYN DOC.

So he's recommending another battey of tests. (Siguro baterya na ng truck).

I should be at the stage of denial but thinking about the blessings I have already received and the peace that I am in at this phase of my life,( I got no more emotional baggage...yong iiwan ko marami... i have done my duties and responsibilities even those of other people's) I just thought that if I don't win this battle, my mission in this planet Earth is done.

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They have always called me The Ca t but I do not know if I have used up my nine lives considering that I have had evaded near death experiences. Time will tell.

But as human, let me just blurt out.


But then I remember polo's email early this morning regarding this blogger who died of cancer last Sunday, Aug 19, 2007. He was going to be 19 years old.

The article said:

He had blogged a lifetime of thoughts and dreams, words that somehow pierced through cyberspace and moved tens of thousands of readers to respond.

cathcath's healing