Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Is there a Miracle?

Today is my mother's death anniversary. Yeah you bet, she visited me late morning. I have just called the hospital to cancel an appointment that overlapped when I could not find the TV remote. Exasperated, I logged in to the computer, but the computer was also acting strangely.

Okay, so I said,yeah I am going to go out and get a piece of cake. She didn't like the pancit or the "suman" that I usually cooked and served. That's how I remember her birth/death anniversary.

One last attempt to find the TV remote, although it was not probable, I looked for it under the seat cushions of the sofa bed. There it is. I said hi and off I went to buy a candle and a small cake.

Last Sunday, she had already visited me.

She knew that I will be seeing the oncologist, Tuesday.

Her message was, "You can choose, you are given a new lease of life (which I am going to write a separate story) with the reminder that I will not be immuned from getting hurt and getting sad because that is the way it is. There's no perfect life. "

I asked her what did she mean by I can choose? Can I choose to die or to live longer? Isn't that confusing?

She explained that I have been living on a borrowed life ever since I came back from being dead when I was just a few months old. Then the series of the near death experiences that I called myself a cat with nine lives almost brought me "home". The closest was when I saw my deceased father extending his hands so I can go with him where there's no pain and sorrow. That was when my heart "skipped a bit" when I was brought unconscious to the emergency room due to the high blood pressure. That was when I was undergoing personal crisis which no one noticed due to my outward happy disposition. Did I wish to die then?

More questions before she left, so if I choose to live longer, what would I do? Will there any mission in life?

My mother said, yes. You will receive it in self-destructing cd or whatever you may call it.

Hahaha, she's still funny or is it just my brain hoping that I will have good news from the oncologist.

Last Monday, I watched Bruce Almighty. Jim Curry and Morgan Freeman are my favorites.
I remember Morgan's lecture about miracle.

Yesterday, unlike our previous meeting before surgery, the lady doctor was all smiles. She asked me how I am. What would she expect me to answer?

The meeting was brief. I have to wait for my ride. Outside, I met a woman with silver hair. She smiled at me. She must be older than my mother if she were alive. She was accompanied by her daughter. I complimented her beautiful hair. She said thank you. I asked her if she had seen her doctor. Oh yes, she said. She asked about me. I said oh yes. And I said, it must have been a miracle. I did not elaborate.

cathcath's healing